THE GUILT OF A WORKING MOM

Ayu Tresna
Sep 4, 2021
3 min read

Updated: Oct 17, 2021

I am watching a Kelly Clarkson Show, about “guilt being a working mother”. The discussion between Kelly and Gal Gadot (playing wonder women) about how their kid will start acting out the moment they are about going to work (as their timing are different from other parents that have 9 to 5 job).

I am reflected to my past experienced, did I feel the guilt become a working mom? Does all working mom feeling guilty for working and leave the kids at home with nanny, their spouse or relatives?

When I start to go back to work after 4 years break from corporate life and raising kids (they both only 1,5 years a part) the intention was financial, we need more money to raise our kids in the standard that we want. As a Fashion buyer I jump into a busy work life of retail (the store open 7 days a week). Buying trip every 3 months (takes 1 week each buy trip) and occasionally working late hours. I was lucky I can go to office a bit late, so I can drop off my kids at school and the ride to the office was our quality time, if the kids not sleepy. I feel my kids are more independent because I wasn’t around that much, I also miss a lots of school events because of my business trips.

I feel that as a working mom, the key is you need to love your job so much that it is worth it to spend time apart to pursue you career/ dream / job (although nothing worth leaving your kids, to justify this) If you don’t love your job yet, learn to love it. Make a decision to love them or start new Job that more fulfilling, get a mentor so you can decide better. Because there is no amount of money will justify you if you hate your job. Ideally you will do your job no matter what the pays is, but getting paid of what you deserved also doesn’t hurt.

Leaving kids for a week several time a year was not easy, 3 days was relatively easier, since they not missing me as much. After 4 days they start to call you more often and I was preparing to bribe them with gifts (sometimes I buy the gift in advance, because I have no time to buy them during my trip)

After 4 days the conversations are something like this:

Kid: Mommy I miss you

Me: I miss you, too… I already bought you the toys that you like, right?

Kid: Yes, but I miss you NOW

For long trip, I prepare several toys to give them with notes how much I loved them, simple toys that they like just to keep them excited while I was away.

At the end of my sharing, I strongly feel as a mother if you are working, don’t worry it is really quality over quantity. Sufficient quality is when your kids tell you their secret, if you feel connected and understand your kids, if you feel your kids proud of you and you also proud of your kids no matter what stage of their progress, you appreciate them just as they are and accept their uniqueness. I strongly feel that the kids with working mom is more independent, as I am not around so much, they more appreciate our time together, its also advantage being a working mom. As working mom, you also exposed to meet a lot of people and broaden your perspective, it also makes you more open minded to & with them.

If you still struggle to connect to your kids, get help, go to Professional / Psychologist to get a better tool to connect to get better options in order to strengthen the deeper connection with them, so no matter how busy you are they know that they loved and you trust that they are protected and will be fine in everything that they do.

Mothers, your energy is everything. The moment you vibrating love to those around you, you are creating a loving & compassionate family. Everything start from you, as working mom and as a mom you are capable and deserved to have both success in life and you are enough. All you need is decision to change and never give up trying to be the best version of you! Enjoy mom… you are magnificent.