IT"S OK IF IT"S NOT OKAY

It’s ok if it’s not okay

Being spiritually awaken has made me feels that I can fast forward my lesson in life, I feels I got this.

I have been through a lot in life, so I should be capable of overcoming everything that life present.

As, my life upside down recently, I consistently doing my inner work. What is the lesson in the past that bring in into this overwhelming pain, and what should I do if I don’t want to manifested this experience in my future. Perfect, hah? Very systematics, Ok God, as I got this, I learnt my lesson so please with although respect, takes this pain, heaviness away from my chest, and from my life.

The pain still continues, 90 days in counting, there never a day I don’t shed my tears, losing someone that very dear to my heart. I am not saying that the pain is not getting better, I am saying that every stage of the sadness is different and carried so many deep layers. Bring out every trauma I avoid in the past.

The death is just a messenger, the lesson behind it is the key to help me grow. It doesn’t feel that way on the first time around, it feels like punishment. I am a good person, I always taking care others, never harm other people not in purpose, why is this happening to me? I need to push “Un-Do” button, this is not happening, I don’t deserve this. Come on God, your got to be kidding me, press harder the “Un-Do” button.

Later, I understand it’s just part of the grieving process, when sadness is on you, you feel uncomfortable (who doesn’t)

17 Sept 2023