GHOSTING, ZOMBIEING & BREADCRUMBING

What do I feel about toxic relationship? Well, for me I see toxic is such a strong word. Toxic meant poison, but every relationship has a silver lining, has a message for us to grow, to love ourselves more, to be the best version of us, to speak our truth. In short, every relationship we have Lesson or Blessing, it will bring us to be a better version of ourselves.

Let’s called it unbalanced relationship. Why un balance? First because one of them invest more into the relationship than the other. Unbalanced because one party expect more than the other.

There is a cultural belief that you should be with a person who loves you more than you love the other party. Is it working? I personally believe it will work as long as both expectations meet and have mutual understanding in the relationship. It cannot work if the person who invest more, give more and expect more become burnout and exhausted to keep the excitement in the relationship.

According to a very un-accurate survey, everybody since 2016 has been ghosted or being ghosted.

What is ghosting? Ghosting is a disappearing action from a person who we used to date or show interest. For example, someone show interested in you, talk and text you and become very close (you can see that he is open up) & frequent (as if you already have commitment), even go with you in couples’ dates but suddenly he stops texting, cancelling plan multiply times and finally stop contact and disappear without any explanation. The reason why so many people ghosting, it’s because they avoid to end the relationship and just leave it hanging. You can start spotting the person start ghosting when they start to shorten their text, the change words with emoji (the used emoji more than typing) and cancelling plan in short notice, multiple times. What should we do when someone ghost us? Let go, it meant to be.

When someone leaves the relationship, it opens the possibility for other new energy to come. Do not resist, let it flow. Don’t expect just embrace, in the end its all for higher goods. Focus on people that worthy of your attention and affection, whatever you focus on will expand, focus on what bring you joy.

We arrived to another term of unbalanced relationship, its Zombieing, it when after a while the person who ghosting you start to show interest in you again. Yes, when a ghost come back, they become zombie. How to deal with zombie is actually up to you and how serious he/she in you. He/she might have a learn and come back to you because they realize that you are unreplaceable, or he/she just checking whether you still available. In this stage you have to be honest with yourself and start feel the true intention of the person zombieng you. How much he/she willing to invest in the relationship.

The last term of unbalance relationship is Breadcrumbing. Breadcrumbing is when the person who used to ghosting you start to likes all your picture in all your social media. They didn’t contact you directly, they wait until you contact them, they don’t want to make a moved because they know they disappear without explanation. But they want to a connect again with you without rejection from you.

Why all those actions are not appropriate?

This is not fair on the person who gets ghosted and zombied. Basically, you are playing with their feelings, which is, at the very least, emotionally unethical. Granted there are no rules when it comes to dating, but there are certain ethical and moral considerations that one should honor.

(Karen-Whitefield.medium.com)

In the end, please treat other like we want to be treated. If we want to be treated with respect, compassion and truth start with respecting people we connecting with, because all people come in our life is with reason. They come to shower us with blessing or be our lesson that makes us be better & stronger.

Namaste,

Happy Dating, 14 of January 2021

Ayu Tresna, Love guru